Tomorrow, I'm going to wake up happy.

An excerpt from a chat I had with our 6yo daughter, this evening (we call her little duck) ....

Our Little Duck: "Mama, tomorrow I'm going to wake up happy." 

Me: "Why do you say that baby?" 

Little Duck: Because, I just am... tomorrow is going to be a beautiful day! Let's believe on that! :)
 
♥ I love this child and every single word that comes out of her mouth! ♥


I think we should all plan to wake up happy tomorrow!

I AM – living in a place of gratitude

I went into the hospital this morning for what should be my final round of tests.  Because I have been living with this medical mystery for a year now, I have been very emotional about it. Finally today I am getting the tests that should give me all the answers I need. I feel relieved and anxious all at the same time. Even though I know who my chief medical attendant is (God)!  I must admit, I am still feeling a certain kind of way that’s very difficult to describe.  I guess it’s to be expected, it has been quite a build up, until now; I have basically been walking around not knowing and today… well in a week or so I will get these test results back and I will finally know.  No more; Ms. Haynes, “we think”, “it might be”, or random drug experiments.  I cannot believe all this started last year! If someone would have told me that I would be minding my own business one minute and riding in an ambulance to the emergency room the next and… that the saga would go on and on for 12 long months,  I would have slapped them in the mouth!  

 

I have been struggling and living in constant chaos and fear, bouncing from Dr. to Dr. and fighting with my health insurance company all while trying to cope with everything that was happening within my body.  I have had to contend with everything from severe vertigo, long nights in the emergency room getting IV medication to treat a migraine that has gone on for several days, partial paralysis, loss of hearing and even blindness just to name a few! I can say, I have been to the edge and back a few times! 

There were times when I was sure I was going to lose my entire mind or die.  There were times when I wanted to die. Somewhere inside of me I found the strength to push through it and kick and fight my way out! It has not been easy; there have been days I could barely get out of my bed.  But I managed to get through.  And every day has been better than the last.   I pray these tests show nothing that can’t be fixed, I pray they show nothing at all! I am mixed with fear, anxiety and relief.  I realize I have come a long way since this all began a year ago and I feel stronger and healthier than ever.  I have even lost weight… but it’s so much bigger than a few pounds on a scale, I have been fighting to get my life back and I feel, finally, like I am winning! No matter what these tests discover, I will continue on this path of taking care of my whole person and cherishing and celebrating every single minute of my life! It’s amazing how much more beautiful everything appears when you have literally experienced what it is like to go blind or, how much movement is cherished after you have lost the ability to do so.  I have had my fair share of pity parties … no I have not yet “arrived”  as a matter of fact, I’m still on the bus on my way there… I may need to make a few transfers but, I am getting there. 

 

Sometimes, I regret not taking better care of myself from the very beginning; maybe I would not have found myself in this position. But ultimately I can’t look back; I must keep my focus forward. I still stand firm in the belief that everything happens for a reason. These challenges I have been faced with have helped me to learn to live in the moment completely.  I think I have always been one foot in the moment and one foot someplace else.  Now, I appreciate every single moment in life, from the moment I open my eyes in the morning to the moment I drift off to sleep at night.  A beautiful change has taken place within me… I want to live a fearless life and I want to love with wild abandon!  I want to be present in the moment. I want to be a participant in life not just part of the audience.  The truth that has been revealed to me living “this” close to the edge, not knowing if I will wake up tomorrow or, if today will be the last day I see my babies smile or look into my husband’s big beautiful brown eyes is; I don’t know what the next moment will bring but, I do know I do not want my last moment to be in a place of regret, sadness, anger or fear.   I receive these challenges I have faced with gratitude.  

I Am …. living in a place of gratitude. 

 

If the woman I am now could talk to the girl I was then...

 

Reflection: 

That's me at age 13.

If the woman I am now could talk to the girl I was then...

I would hug her tight, and tell her, no matter what I love her.

She is the opposite of everything they will say she is.

She is loved.

She is beautiful.

She is smart.

And she is strong.

She is a gift and a blessing.

Her life is valuable.

She is powerful beyond measure.

And when it's all said and done, she will look back on all she will go through, exhale and say...

I'm still here!

 

 

 

Morning Inspiration

Good Morning Sunshine!

Good Morning Sunshine! Rise and shine, we have been gifted another beautiful day, don't waste another minute! Have a wonderful and blessed weekend.

Good Morning Universe!

What a beautiful gift to see the sunrise and witness all of the beauty that surrounds us! 

Every day is is gift! 

Never would have made it! (Morning Inspiration)

I woke up this morning!! 

I woke up this morning humming this song!!(Never Would have Made it, Marvin Sapp) God is good! Sight, life, limbs in working order, clarity, focus, health! Life! Life! Life! I never would have made it all this time ... without you! I would have lost my mind a long time ago! Jesus! I'm having a moment here!!

Become the Blessing...

The greatest gift of all is to become the blessing… (Ann Voskamp, Author, One Thousand Gifts) 

You have no clue who is watching you or who you are inspiring every day. I have been approached on numerous occasions by people who say they have been "watching" me and notice my transformation, they see the change in me and they are inspired to do the same. They are eating better, exercising, giving up

caffeine; they are even giving juicing a try… all sorts of wonderful healthy lifestyle changes are taking place all around me! Without even knowing it, I have been blessing others with my actions. Who knew that my challenges and my triumphs could be someone else’s inspiration and motivation?! I always say everything happens for a reason! And once again that saying rings true! Since last year I have faced down some hard core health challenges, but I have been determined to not give up or give in! My dad always said I had spunk! :) I have been determined to come through stronger and better than ever, I have been determined to be triumphant and I have believed that God would never leave me or forsake me during this or any other challenge in my life. I put the power of prayer, focus and determination into every minute every hour and every day. When I wake I start my day with this prayer/declaration… Thank you God for giving me another day of LIFE, sight and breath! I declare that I will be triumphant over my health challenges. I declare that today will be better than yesterday. I declare that I will never give up on me! I am so thankful for the realization that I am not only improving my own life and health but there is a domino effect going on around me as a direct result of my actions. I thank God for using me as a vessel to help inspire others to improve on their own health and wellness. I am so blessed to be surrounded by positive and supportive people all willing to help me or cheer me on as I continue on my journey, having that support helps me keep going on the days when I feel like I might not be able to. Feeling overwhelmed with joy and so thankful!

Go Outside and Play!

I took our daughters to the park by the lake this weekend. We walked the nature trail, spent some time chasing butterflies, had a wonderful picnic, fed the geese and a bunch of rowdy ducks! :) When we went to the playground; I was the only parent that was actually involved in play with my children, running, riding the see-saw and even swinging on the swings! (Swings are the best!) My inner child just refuses to stay “in” =) Go outside and play today! (Children are optional) ;-)

Dear Diary:

Welcome to Christine in Progress! In this space I will share, my personal journey to health and wellness. I will share my success, failures, challenges, frustration, joy and sometimes pain. I will post pictures of myself, food… random stuff, recipes and even a video or two. Random thoughts will be a bonus I am sure, as I can be quite entertaining at times!  But why am I doing this, public diary of sorts and why do you want to watch as this all unfolds before your very eyes? Well over the next several posts, I will do my best to share the back story: