Friday, August 31, 2012

Meanwhile… While they do all that I’m going to be over here doing this: C.I.P. is Born!

By the time I went to the new internist, I was sick and tired of every dam thing and I was desperate to gain some control over my body. The one thing I knew one thing for sure… being overweight was not going to help my situation. You see, I have always been a “thick” girl,  you know... curvy. After our first child was born I had a hard time maintaining a healthy weight but I eventually got it together.  Because I was on bed rest most of my second pregnancy I gained quite a bit of weight, after she was born, it was very difficult to loose. Until 2010, that year, I lost a good amount of weight and I was taking pretty good care of myself even though, I did fluctuate up and down a few pounds here and there, it was nothing too serious. After I got sick in November 2011 with this mystery thing, I quickly started to gain weight, almost overnight! It was obvious, the one thing I could do to help myself while these Dr’s were busy poking around, running scans and tests, was to try to gain some control by being proactive in my own health and wellness. the truth was, I was not taking good care of myself as I should have been, I was not eating well nor was I exercising, though at this point even if I wanted to, it was difficult to exercise due to constant episodes of vertigo, migraine headaches, paralysis and loss of vision! But nutritionally speaking, I spent many days loading up on gallons of coffee and most of my nutrition came from mostly processed foods with the occasional healthy salad chaser in between. My hope was, if I got a grip on what I was putting into my body and got moving even a little bit,  I  could begin to put the lid on this constant suffering and fear.     Light bulb!   

C.I.P. is born!

Armed with an awesome internist, two nutritionists, a gym membership, a personal trainer, a kindle loaded with books on health and wellness, juicing and cooking healthy vegan food (yep I am a vegan now), a shiny new pair of sneakers, tee-shirt, yoga pants, and a drive and determination like I never knew I had in me; I set out on my journey to gain control of my life and health.  I want to live, I want to be present in my children’s lives, I want to play with them and laugh with them. I want to be the lively fun and sassy wife my husband married not the broken, crying and sick in the bed person I had become.  It was time to take control and take action! I have it in me to do it and  I am going to do it!   

So far I have lost 50lbs! This journey has been, challenging, scary, educational, fun and empowering. I have had ups, downs and a few setbacks. I have cried, laughed and cried again. I have rediscovered a part of me that I thought was lost. I have found a new appreciation for life and living. It’s amazing really, but when you come “this” close to what you think could be the end on an almost daily basis you appreciate every little moment just that much more. The things I have taken for granted...well it just proves the saying, you truly don’t know what you have until it is gone!  I thank God every time I lost an ability... it came back. I thank God every time I suffered a migraine torture session that it came to an end without my brain exploding! But I realize the truth is, it could have easily gone the other way around on any number of occasions, like the time I lost my sight and I was sure it would not return! I literally thank God when I open my eyes in the morning to discover I am still alive and I have all my abilities in place! Did you ever wake up early just to watch the sun rise? These days, I do that often. This experience has changed me in ways I will probably never fully be able to explain. But I can say at the end of each day when I am resting my head on my favorite pillow the thoughts that are going through my head are those of gratitude.  Thank you God!

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